Teen Life-Why Do We Want To Fit In? (My Life Part 2) November 13, 2008

If you haven’t read “My Life Part 1″ you can find it in my recent posts or archive.

Let me take you back just a sec for a better understanding of my raising!  I was not a bad child, I was afraid I would get into trouble if I did anything wrong, remember I was an introvert.  I was spoiled, after all I was 8 years younger than my sister and I was the baby.  As a child growing up I did what all kids do…test my parents.  My parents were good role models and had never been in trouble a day in their lives…not even a speeding ticket.  I never saw my mom or dad drunk, my dad may have had an occasional drink.  They had a great marriage and are working toward their 61st wedding Anniversary.

I need to explain to you why I didn’t fit in…in my early years.  I was born with “Dewayne Syndrome,” a muscle in my right eye was not long enough to align my eye straight in the center (my right eye stayed in the corner toward my nose) cross eyed, yep cross eyed!  Kids were mean and this is what I was called “Cross Eyed Lynn!” 

When I was very young I remember hiding behind my parents because of embarrassment, not wanting anyone to notice my eye!  My eye doctor was trying different things with my eye trying to stretch the muscle because surgery was risky (I didn’t know how risky the surgery was until I was about 40 years old).  At 12 years old my doctor decides to do surgery on my eye.  The surgery straightened it, but it can never be fixed perfectly.  I still see double when I turn my head a certain way, when I get tired my eye gets lazy, if I’m trying to focus on someone talking to me it will sometimes drift!  By the time I was 40 I was sure that technology had come for enough along that I could completely get the ole’ eye fixed…it’s very annoying when driving and you have to turn completely around in your seat or you will see two cars! LOL!  I saw a new optometrist, she took one look into my eye and told me if anyone ever told me they could fix the ole’ eye then I had better high tale it out of their office.  The surgeon that had performed my surgery had done an excellent job and that was all that could be done.  Her answer was ok for me, I had already gotten through the rough times in my life that I really worried about what people thought about my eye!  Not until I was in my late 20’s I could use my eye for laughs!  I can do something with my eye that others can’t do and we all get a kick out of it now!  I have family members trying to learn to make their eye do what mine can do! LOL! 

So back to my story!  So my eye is kind of fixed, but I still have the issues of being a very shy teen with a low self-esteem.  I spent my early teenage years 13-16 at the skating rink just like everybody else in the 70’s.  Laugh out Loud there was nothing else to do.  Ha! I’m old!!! During these few years I was turning into a heavy smoker and teen girl that used very profound language!  Still in church every Sunday, Sunday night and Wednesday night! Oh, smoking wasn’t so bad, most all my friends were doing it, even my church friends.  My friends and I would save our lunch money and take time about buying them.  That’s how cheap they were in the 70’s, I think $.35 – $.50 cents a pack.  We would walk right into the store and buy them…no ID required!  It is an encouragement to know that my child can not walk in the store today and buy them, but it doesn’t mean it will keep them from smoking, but it does make it a tad harder.  That is the choice that they have to make…right or wrong as they mature! I pray and hope that each of my children will make choices they won’t REGRET! 

Now don’t get me wrong, God was speaking to me all these years, I wanted to do what was right and be saved…but I was angry with God for the way He made me!  I would beg him to make me attractive, to take away the eye thing, to help me fit in with those popular people, to give me a brain that could understand what I read and retain it.  All I was doing was running from Him instead of stopping and listening and giving Him my life.  I want you to remember as you read about my life that God was with me through it all, I never saw it then…but I see it very well today!

Then…I turned 16 and received my drivers license!  What is it about turning 16 and just going crazy? I know…some teens do and some don’t, well I was the one that did.  I wanted to fit in so bad at that age I was going to try what ever I could to make that happen.  I wasn’t a leader, I was a follower…remember I was a very shy introverted child and teen! 

So where was I…Oh, yea 16 and license!  Guess where that took me??  With the license came the begging for the car on the weekends…me and one of my best friends began circling and hanging out at the boat harbor down at the Tennessee River…this was a hangout for everyone of driving age and older! I practically took over my moms car. How did that happen?? I was spoiled and I did throw some fits!  Fits at 16, me Nah!

We started out riding around on Friday and Saturday night with a normal teen curfew. We met many people as we would sit and watch the cars circle!  Everyone stopping and talking with each other, meeting many people much older than us, more experienced in many things than we were.  A place where a lot of drinking and smoking were going on.  So here it is, I began drinking at 16, it was there and it was offered and I took it, again starting out just to fit in.

One night as we were all sitting on the hood of my car (my moms)…here came a white 1960’s Jaguar…I’m talking cool car!  I don’t remember how in the world we got the guys that were in it to stop and talk to us, but they did.  My best friend and I ended up in the car with them…this car was so cool…the inside was decked out in wood that was very expensive and beautiful, it even had black lights in it…man it was ripped!  As we were riding around in this hot car, with some cool guys having fun, one of the guys took out a joint (marijuanna) and lit it, they all started passing it around…I had no idea of what to do, I had never seen that, I was afraid!  My friend and I wouldn’t have any part of it that night and the guys never pressured us to!  As time passed night after night hanging at the hot spot, meeting up with these guys, riding in a hot looking Jaquar, listening to loud music, and drinking…thinking this was great fun, this was our life with pretend church on the other side.  These guys never pressured us, just liked us for who we were.  We became good friends with them and of course you get the picture, we both eventually caved!!!  We decided to try it (pot)! The day we smoked our first joint was on a Sunday afternoon, we were always at the Sunday night service at our church and we walked in late.  Both of us walked in that service “high,” I will never forget it as long as I live!  It is as if I spit in the face of Jesus!  

Hangest thou in there, more to come (My Life Part 3)!