Between the ages of 16-18 years I was partying heavily. I began hanging at a house in Decatur that was known as “The Party House of Decatur!” I made many friends at this house, why?, there was no judgement between anyone, you were accepted the way you were. Come on in the more the merrier.
Still very introverted the drugs and drinking that I was doing helped me be a little more outgoing. So by age 18, I was doing pot, pills (uppers, downers) some cocaine, drinking, and playing poker for money, I guess you can say the only thing I hadn’t done was had sex!
The police knew all about this house and it’s owner. It was raided several times when I was there. Did that scare me away from being apart of all this?? No! I look back and wonder why God didn’t take me out. I can see how God had his hand on me and how he was guiding me even in my rebellious stage!
I eventually got up the courage to tell my mom that I wasn’t going to attend church anymore, that I had nothing in common with all those that were attending and most of them didn’t care about church either. So I stopped going!!!
Then…I met a guy at the party house one night, he was 4 years older than me and very nice looking. We began dating, if that is what you want to call it. He began living at the party house, I was there night and day, so this was our date nights. He never came to my home to meet my mother or father, I knew my parents wouldn’t approve, but I did talk to them about him, I made him sound good.
I was still a virgin at 18, then the inevitable happened. We had been dating several months, he would tell me he loved me, he was going to marry me, so it would be ok. I was so naive and wanting someone to care for me that I let it happen. Soon after we started dating, a warrant for his arrest was issued to him (jail time for writing bad checks) I had no clue this was what he was doing! He was in Morgan County Jail for about 3 months. I attended the jail every Sunday to see him. I look back and I know God was giving me clues…No. 1 reason not to marry him!
While he was in jail I began talking to my parents about him and what kind of family life he had (none…both parents were alcoholics and father was dead) I told my mom we were going to get married, so could he please come and stay at our house, he needed to get away from this home and try to make his life better by getting a job so we could get our own place when we married. One condition they said, “he would have to stay out in the garage which we had enclosed.” That was cool with me! Eventually, we started living together under my parents roof! How could I have ever done that to my parents? I made that choice and my parents let me get away with it. Reason No. 2 not to marry him! God still trying to move in my life…I’m not listening!
During this time he would go to work, but not come home after work. Why did I want to marry someone like this. This was not my upbringing. But, I had already had sex with him and was going to change him, this was the man I was suppose to marry, I thought. We were together 2 years before we married, he treated me like *&%#! Friends tried to tell me things that he had done but, I wouldn’t listen. Reason No. 3 not to marry him! God still speaking!
Marriage Day, May 1980, big church wedding, many people on my side, few on his. My dads pockets were emptied on this wedding. We had no money for a honeymoon so my sister let us borrow her apartment! Yeah, a borrowed apartment for a honeymoon! The night of our marriage a couple gave us a big party. On top of my pill popping my new husband put drugs in my drink! I passed out to wake up and find him gone. My friends told me he left with another girl! What? On our wedding night! Yep, it happened, he slept with another woman on our wedding night! Reason No. 4, God says this is not the husband I have chosen for you.
From 1980-1983 I was abused physically (battered), abused mentally and almost everyday someone else besides me was sleeping in my bed. I was the only one holding down a job at this time. His job was selling drugs. In late 1982 my parents were visiting our home with my niece (Tina) when our home was surrounded by the Drug Enforcement Officer’s (he had sold to an under cover the night before). They busted into our home with guns and began throwing everything around. I begged them to let my niece and my mom leave, but ask my dad to stay, I was afraid. They took my husband to jail after they had ram sacked our home. My dad stayed with me, I told him I was so sorry and ask for his forgiveness. As my father, he forgave me and tried to talk me into coming back home. I looked at my dad and told him, “I made my bed, now I have to lye in it.” Reason No. 5, God shows me this man was not intended to be my husband! God is trying to move me in the right direction, but I’m not listening. Look, God was giving me the out! He had committed Adultery against me and I knew it!
He made bail (can’t remember who signed) and was out the next day and made a plea bargain with the drug enforcement to be a nark! Yep, turned in his friends. No jail time spent.
After getting busted, we were ask to move by our landlords. We moved into an apartment complex where one of my other sisters (Nancey) lived with her roommate, son, and baby daughter. We had no food, and was living on welfare for our rent and utility bills, I barely made minimum wage and he did not work at all, he could get a job, but would work only long enough to get a little money then quit. I kept Nancey’s daughter part-time also.
In March 1983, it was my day to keep my niece (Beth) Nancey’s daughter, but her roommate wanted to keep her. She was going to drop Nancey off at work and take her (my sister’s) car to get some work done on it. Nancey called my dad that afternoon and said her roommate had not made it to pick her up so she needed a ride home because she couldn’t get in touch with her. My dad drove to the Arsenal to get her. When they returned home a police car was waiting in the drive at her apartment. The officers ask them to get in the police car and ride to the Arsenal. The officer told them there had been a wreck on the Arsenal involving her car. I found out later that evening that Beth and my sister’s roommate had been killed in the accident. My sisters roommate had not taken the car in to get it fixed, but had been drinking at a friends house all day! She was drunk and hit another car head on. Beth was 3 years old, all I could think about was that it was my day to watch her…if I had of kept her my sisters baby wouldn’t have died that day! God was really trying to get my attention!
My father was still a new Christian at this time, but he knew God’s Word. He held our family together through this huge loss and trial that we were all having to experience.
After this I started attending church again, but I just couldn’t give up things in my life that God wanted me to give up…drugs, alcohol, and being abused by my husband. How could I have loved him that deeply?
The sleeping around and abuse by my husband continued and we separated many times, and eventually divorced in October 1983. I just couldn’t take it anymore! I divorced him! I felt worthless, had very low self-esteem, more introverted then I ever had been, afraid to even look at people, talking to people…no way, I was just plain battered. Was I not low enough yet to listen to God???